We're just about a week away from another V-Day... and here I am STILL waiting for things to change... Oh, don't get me wrong... I HAVE CHANGED...
It's been 5 years since I wrote my last entry on this blog... During this time my WHOLE life has gone a tremendous transformation, both physical, mental and spiritually ... but that's not even about love so I won't go into details.
When I say that I'm waiting for things to change, I'm talking about when are we, men and women, going to realize that it all should NOT be pinned into ONE day a year...that is NOT what LOVE is all about guys and gals! Let me see if I can put into words what MY definition of love is... LOVE is ACTIONS... NOT words on a card... not flowers...not candy... not jewelry... not a dinner... Now don't get me wrong... all those ACTIONS, the buying of the card, the flowers, the candy, the dinner and why not even that piece of jewelry might be signs that the person doing the 'giving' feels something special for the person on the 'receiving' end... BUT... WHY does it take advertisers to SCREAM at you that February 14th is near and you SHOULD be out spending money to SHOW your LOVE?!??! You can be showing your LOVE each and everyday of the year by doing the simplest of things that don't cost ANY money... Like saying good morning with a kiss as you wake up... Picking up after yourself without anyone having to remind you... Offering to pick something up at the supermarket before getting home... Helping with dinner...or with the kid's homework... or with the dishes after dinner... Get the idea? There are MILLIONS of things you, and I mean BOTH men AND women, can be doing to and for EACH OTHER, as a couple, to show that LOVE.
Do you really think that ONE DAY A YEAR is going to make up for the misery you might be putting each other through the other 364 days?
Seriously now... we NEED to start to change the way we act towards one another... and here I'm not just talking about us as part of a couple, but as HUMANS on PLANET Earth...
WE NEED, no... WE HAVE to start showing each other LOVE... for our whole families, neighbors, co-workers, strangers even... WE HAVE the capacity to LOVE...it's BORN in us... we just become so jaded through the years that we forget sometimes that we ARE LOVE! No amount of money spent on someone can demonstrate what a hug, a kiss and kind words can...
This year, 2014, vow to SHOW YOUR LOVE EACH AND EVERY DAY!!! HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!!
This is not new for me... but it's definitely DIFFERENT!!!!
A few years ago a girlfriend of mine tried a phone chat line, met someone wonderful... and suggested I give it a try also... I decided to go for it...
After talking to a couple of guys that didn't seem right for me, a call came in from a 'Robert' who stated he was a "Jean Claude Van Damme” look alike... (It was a while ago, remember?)
Hmmm... maybe... it sounded good... I'll give it a try, I thought... We talked a few times, and finally decided to meet at a restaurant for drinks...
I don't drink... but I figure I would have a soda or something and listen to what he had to say... Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right?
When I got to the restaurant, which was pretty close to my house by the way, the hostess took me straight to his table... On time...check!
He DID look a bit like Jean Claude... Blond, blue eyes, BUILT!!! Cute...check!
We ended up having dinner... apparently he liked what he saw also... (Hey, I was 30 something at that time... awesome personality, long hair, skinny and with a killer pair of legs...which I flaunted in miniskirts all the time!)
Robert and I dated for about 3 months...He cooked me romantic dinners at his place, bought me flowers every time he came to pick me up, etc, etc, etc... unfortunately, he had a very good career that took him away to Chicago... I couldn't follow him 'cause my own career was taking off also...and that was the end of that...
So, now... a 'few' years later... I decided to try CYBER dating... it's the only logical progression, right?
I didn't want to pay to meet anyone... that would feel like prostitution to me... yuck! .... so I tried a few 'free' sites...to see what was available in the way of possible 'suitors' ...
Finally I found a site that seemed to have it all... first of all it's free, had pictures, and you can chat directly with the object of your desire... pretty simple... I filled out my profile, uploaded a couple of pictures and proceeded to take a look at my possible 'matches'...
In a couple of minutes the messages started coming through... Most were from out of towners... Europe even...mostly Italians...very handsome men from their pictures...but I didn't want to pay to meet anyone...much less pay totravel to meet anyone!!
Someone caught my eye though... and I decided what the heck...let me talk to this man... who cares if he's a million miles away... Turns out, he lives only 25 miles away from me... he was visiting family in Italy...and was coming back at the end of the month...
Everything was going very smoothly for the first 2 weeks... but I started to notice he was 'online' mostly at night... while I was already sleeping... (The site tells you what time you log in and out... I wasn't snooping!) He also had added me to his personal e-mail account, and there I could see that he kept making friends with girls left and right...everyday!
That was a huge red flag for me... I figured he was making all these contacts for his return... to have a couple of women ready when he wanted...
I sort of asked him about it... to which of course he replied "they are only friends...I am not interested in them...I only want to meet you"... Mmm!!!
He finally got back to the states, and his first call was to ask me if I would cook him dinner so we could finally meet....That was it... I told him I decided I wasn't ready to date someone that had so many women around... and who wasn't even gentleman enough to take me OUT... so we never got to meet...
No problem I thought....there are still plenty of men on cyberspace...let's keep looking...
After a couple of days...this cute little thing pops up on that site with a very shy "hello"... He's younger than me...has a killer pair of bedroom eyes... and looks VERY good in swim trunks...from his pictures...
We couldn't actually 'chat' because we seemed to be on different time schedules...but he would leave me messages and I responded when I was online...Finally on a Monday, we got online at the same time...and we could not stop 'chatting'... After almost 2 hours I had to leave... (I was at the office!) so we exchanged phone numbers... he asked me to call him on my way home...which is almost an hour drive...and so I did...
Once I got home I had many things to do ... told him if he wanted to, he could call me later that night...
He did, and we ended up talking for almost 4 more hours! I felt like a teenager...neither one of us wanted to hang up... he has such a sweet, manly voice... we talked about everything... his life, his job, his soon-to-be degree in engineering, even his relationship with his mom and his brothers... everything... to me it’s very strange to have a man talk and open up so much...but I LOVED it!!!
I also told him a lot of things... but not everything... I think it's cool to be a bit mysterious...
A couple of days later, he calls…I was out with friends having dinner so I told him to call me later on that night if he wanted to...he did and again we ended up talking till the wee hours of the morning...
Now I'm thinking, this is someone I really want to meet...
I've found out so many little things about him that I like and want in a man...this could be someone whom I can actually date... So I started to prepare myself mentally for the day when we could actually see each other in person...he had also hinted that he wanted to meet in person... I was not the only one...
I was wrong I guess... to this day, he hasn't called back...or even answered the 2 text messages I sent him on different occasions... I guess this time I was the one 'dumped' even before meeting... is this 'karma'?
A few days after not hearing from him, not being one to give up so easily... I tried a new phone chat line... again... Coming home from dinner with friends... since I have such a long commute... I called and waited for someone to 'connect' with me... (I think I need to move closer to my friends!)
"Alex" sends me a message... he seems eager to talk to me... I agreed... Just as soon as we start talking...he says: "I bet I can make you come and see me right now here where I'm staying"...
I asked him what makes him think so…and he starts telling me how he has a business that could change my life forever, he can save me money by cutting my bills in half each month, etc. etc. etc.
When I asked him to explain better, he says that he could pay my bills from some sort of ‘dead’ bank accounts, but that are very much legit, and I would only have to pay him back half of what my total amount would be every month… and a whole slew of other crazy things that I don’t know what to make of it…I played along 'cause I couldn't believe that someone would resort to something like this...
Luckily, I got home… told him I would think about it and get back to him…
The only thing I was able to do was report him for abusing the chat line and hope someone stops him in his tracks…
I've had this going through my head for a while now...
The whole idea of the "Prince Charming", the "Knight in shining armor" and the like, HAD to be invented by a guy, with the sole purpose of lifting himself up and to keep us under his foot..
I think it all stems from the "Adam and Eve" story... and it was done as a way of 'punishing' the rest of us for Eve's idea of giving Adam the famous apple!
Because if not, please tell me WHY are we taught as little girls that these handsome, rich and powerful men will one day come galloping our way to 'rescue' us? Why aren't little boys told fairy tales about beautiful, successful and independent women?
And how many times do we have to kiss the frog, before the REAL Prince appears?
One of my favorite quotes of all times comes from Charlotte in SATC:
"I've been dating since I'm fifteen. I'm exhausted! Where the hell is he?!?!
THAT is priceless... of course, when I saw that episode, I was happily dating and not even worrying about where 'he' was... they were ALL around me!!!
But now, after being in the 'dating pool' again... I have to wonder... Where is he? For real! So far, after 2 months, I have not yet found anyone that I would remotely consider going out with... seriously...
Is it me? Have I become so cynical that I've lost my ability to trust anyone? It's just so hard to hear the same things over and over again... they sound sooooooooo fake... Don't men realize they need to change it up if they want to find a good woman? Don't they know that if they do the same thing over and over they will NOT obtain a different result?
Or are women so desperate to have a guy by their side, that they will settle for whatever comes along, and men have picked up on that, that it's so easy for them that they treat ALL WOMEN the same?
Maybe it's too early for me to start dating again... or maybe I have to let go of the idea of finding my Prince Charming...
Because seriously, I don't need a handsome, rich and powerful man in my life... what I NEED is someone who is trustworthy, who speaks the truth at all times, who works, who's not an addict, someone who has good morals and is clean, who treats kids and animals with love, and who finds me interesting enough to have a conversation about anything OTHER than sex!
Maybe it's time for a WOMAN to come up with a new fairytale for little girls...
THIS is something I know NOTHING about... maybe someone can enlighten me...
In the 'old country' there is no such thing as 'dating'... You become a teenager...a boy likes you... you like him... that's your boyfriend from that moment on... God forbid you are seen with anyone else... No matter what age! You are labeled a 'lose woman' forever... (j/k!)
So, you can imagine when I came here at age 14... I had NO IDEA what 'dating' meant... I had a total of 2 'boyfriends' before I was 17...when I met my first husband...
My sister and I were waiting for the bus after school when this girl we knew from class says "Oh, don't take the bus...my brother is picking me up in his car...we can take you home"... Sure enough, shortly after this tall, skinny, long-hair boy shows up driving a pretty nice car... we hop in the back and start fighting who's gonna end up with him... Since I was the oldest...I was the 'lucky' one! My sister, till this day, thanks the Lord for that!!!
We instantly became 'boyfriend and girlfriend'... I was not allowed to go out with him by ourselves... so he had to come to our house if he wanted to see me... until we got married a year and a half later...
Years later, after we divorced... I was faced with the dating dilemma...
My mind is NOT wired to go out with someone one day, then accept another invitation by someone else... I was bought up to have a 'boyfriend'... Go out with him, enjoy his company, learn all there is to know about him, and then decide what comes next...
So off I went on my first 'date' at that time... I REALLY liked the guy... I THOUGHT we had a great time...he bought roses... took me to a very good restaurant for dinner...and then we went dancing... Perfect, right?
Wrong!!! I didn't know the 'rules'... I thought 'Hey, I'm gonna call him to say I had a great time...and hope he asks me out again'... wrong again!!! He took that as being God knows what and we never went out again...
So I had to tumble and fall a few times before I was told by a couple of American girlfriends about the 'dating rituals'...
I had no idea you were NOT supposed to call the guy!!! That you were supposed to wait by the phone for days on end to see if HE decided to call YOU...
I learned that most of them fall into some big, black "I don't want to date her" hole never to be seen or heard from again!!! THIS is what 'dating' is all about??? Well, I don't like it and I'm not gonna take it anymore...
That has been my motto since... I accept an invitation... we go out... we have fun...end of date!
If the guy doesn't follow up with a call in LESS than 3 days...he's history...I don't care how much I like him... he's not gentleman enough for me... and if he's like that while we're dating... I can just imagine in the future...
Fast forward to today...at this age I'm at right now... (which of course I will NOT divulge here!) it's NOT getting any better...
Now, when you meet someone... (this has happened so many times it's funny if it wasn't sad!) the first thing out of their mouths is "Who do you live with?"... I say "By myself, of course...the kids are on their own...they have their families, etc"...
Want to know what comes next? "Oh, then... why don't you cook me dinner at YOUR house?"...
WHAT is wrong with MEN these days? What has happened to taking the girl out for dinner, or a drink, or even an ice cream cone? Does ANYBODY do that anymore? Or has everyone become so jaded that they just go straight for the 'kill' without even getting to know the person?
The last man that asked me that...just a few weeks ago... is still thinking about what he did wrong... 'cause apparently in his mind there is nothing wrong about suggesting going over the girl's house for dinner and drinks...
But do men realize that when they suggest that it means that WE have to do the cooking and the serving and SPENDING the money to do it?!??!
I don't want someone to 'support' me... I'm very easygoing... I don't want anyone to take me out to expensive restaurants for dinner and drinks, etc, etc, etc. They could suggest going out for a stroll at the beach at sunset...to me that is very romantic... we could have a nice conversation and actually get to know each other... Is that such an outdated concept?
I also am a liberated woman and very well employed... I COULD ask the GUY out for a date... a very expensive date if I so wanted to... but that would be STUPID of me...'cause the guy would immediately think I'm DESPERATE and trying to BUY his company... right?
So, after all these years of waiting for my 'Prince charming', my 'Knight in shining armor', a 'Gentleman'... I'm am STILL faced with the dating ritual dilemma...
Although nowadays is not so much a dilemma... You want to come to MY house? Oh, I'm flattered...but no Thanks!!! I'm busy forever!!!
This is by no means my own, but I got it from a dear friend of mine and thought I would share with you all...just in case some of you might have never seen it...
It's awesome...and we should practice what it says...Enjoy!!!
Ok... so I've decided to succumb to the blog revolution... Let's see what becomes of this...
Something that has been bugging me for a couple of weeks... after a conversation I had with a very dear friend of mine...a guy that I've known for at least 10 years...
We were talking about how this woman he knows and likes, after a date, became insecure, according to him... all because he hadn't called her in a few days...You know...the typical 'He's just not that into you' phenomenom... When he DID call her, she said something about 'I thought you hadn't had any fun on our date'...
He said this... 'Insecurity is not pretty'... I told him if he'd been more honest with her, and told her straight out that he was only interested in a few dates and nothing else... she might not have expected anything else..
But you know guys... once they're on a date, they talk about the sun and the moon, all the while thinking ONLY about getting you into bed... and NOT thinking that their words have YOU thinking about the 'future'...
I understand about the whole Men/Mars, Women/Venus thing... which I think it's complete nonsense...we are ALL from planet EARTH after all... and we SHOULD be able to understand each other...
The problem is that when we are on a date, yes, BOTH sexes do it... we just want to come off as being this PERFECT PERSON... which doesn't exit...and THEN, after all is said and done, we realize we had created a fantasy that NO ONE wants to wake up from...
So, my question is this... WHY are MEN afraid of independent, successful women, while at the same time are terrified of 'insecure' ones?
Can't they just make up their minds? What is it that men REALLY want in a woman?
I have talked about this with tons of men and women, and NO ONE has been able to give me any kind of logical explanation...
Is there anyone out there who can just put it in plain and simple language for us independent, successful women to understand?
Ok... enough for the first post... Let's see what happens and if I DARE post again!!!
Till we meet again!!! I'm gonna leave you with a fabulous quote:
"Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with people who are reckless with yours"
