Something that has been bugging me for a couple of weeks... after a conversation I had with a very dear friend of mine...a guy that I've known for at least 10 years...
We were talking about how this woman he knows and likes, after a date, became insecure, according to him... all because he hadn't called her in a few days...You know...the typical 'He's just not that into you' phenomenom... When he DID call her, she said something about 'I thought you hadn't had any fun on our date'...
He said this... 'Insecurity is not pretty'... I told him if he'd been more honest with her, and told her straight out that he was only interested in a few dates and nothing else... she might not have expected anything else..
But you know guys... once they're on a date, they talk about the sun and the moon, all the while thinking ONLY about getting you into bed... and NOT thinking that their words have YOU thinking about the 'future'...
I understand about the whole Men/Mars, Women/Venus thing... which I think it's complete nonsense...we are ALL from planet EARTH after all... and we SHOULD be able to understand each other...
The problem is that when we are on a date, yes, BOTH sexes do it... we just want to come off as being this PERFECT PERSON... which doesn't exit...and THEN, after all is said and done, we realize we had created a fantasy that NO ONE wants to wake up from...
So, my question is this... WHY are MEN afraid of independent, successful women, while at the same time are terrified of 'insecure' ones?
Can't they just make up their minds? What is it that men REALLY want in a woman?
I have talked about this with tons of men and women, and NO ONE has been able to give me any kind of logical explanation...
Is there anyone out there who can just put it in plain and simple language for us independent, successful women to understand?
Ok... enough for the first post... Let's see what happens and if I DARE post again!!!
Till we meet again!!!
I'm gonna leave you with a fabulous quote:
I think the problem is that women often times aren't direct in expressing what they want. They drop little hints and dance around the issue. Just come out and say it.
ReplyDeleteGood One Frank!!!
ReplyDeleteBut men do get kind of turned off by independent women... at least I know a few that do :)
I would like to say about the part about the man not calling the day after a date...... I think it's rude......Its just common courtesy for the man to call and say something about the date........Of course any woman would think that he didn't enjoy the date....if it takes you 3 days to call.....Calling doesn't mean you have a commitment, to ME it means you are a gentleman and you are just following up....no need to set up another date if you don't want to, but at least you were polite.
ReplyDeleteMar
So you actually have three questions... "1) WHY are MEN afraid of independent, successful women, while at the same time are terrified of 'insecure' ones? 2) Can't they just make up their minds? 3) What is it that men REALLY want in a woman?"
ReplyDeleteYou have not received a logical explanation because logic has no role in affairs of the heart and/or lust. To me they appear to be mutually exclusive of one another.
The twisted part is that we want our Mom and we want a vixen. This creates quite the conundrum.... Eventually , testosterone has made us want to jump in the sack with anyone and everyone, quite powerful in one way but not powerful enough to wipe out the memory and need to be babied that existed long before the androgen seriously kicked in.
It is quite the balance that needs to be achieved. I am not saying that it can't be achieved... just saying that it is not easy.
If evolution truly has an imprint in our lives we tend to assign the 'dominant' role to the male. If this happens, you are now competing with the man for what he considers his rightful role, successful & independent.
The next question you ask is why is a man afraid of the insecure ones, this goes back to Mom and/or the cave as well. In the cave scenario the woman did not need the man in day to day activity. Actually, she and her tribe mates did most if not all of the rough, tedious day to day work. The men would bring back the hunt BUT even then the woman would handle the lions share of everything after the kill. Man did not (does not) want to deal with helping the woman in that role. If she can't carry her weight... she becomes needy and a drain.
In the Mom portion of that answer, Mom always handled everything, she had the answers and made sure that you were provided for and safe. We cannot equate Mom with insecurity as this would undo our foundation. Our brawn and strength eventually put us in a position to defend and protect Mom physically BUT mentally it's always the other way around.
Question 2: Can't we just make up our minds. Short answer is yes... but it is improbable that we are being realistic. We strive to find the balance that is quite difficult to achieve. (Not because of the woman but because of the man's complex if somewhat ludicrous expectation)
Question 3: What is it that men really want in women? You're going to hate me for this one but here goes. In addition to everything I've already listed we need to dig into the male's genetic code. SEX.
The argument about monogamy and polyamory can take on a life of its own. It is fair to say that we are 'human' and not animals so we should be able to control it. True for we are never more human than when we repress and control a 'natural' urge. Some would say that is the true definition of being human... the ability to control natural urge.
So bottom line, while we CAN control ourselves, it isn't necessarily easy or truly natural.
So after all this anthropological b.s., I guess the answer is simple... men are afraid because we are idiots and we can blame evolution and genetics.... hmm, I guess I could have written that in the first sentence and spared everyone a lot of reading!
And I agree, any man that does not follow up in a timely fashion about a date is RUDE! lol